If I believe, why do I doubt?

When I was two years old my Mom taught me a song called, Jesus loves me.
I could sing it, but that didn’t mean I believed it.
I had other interests and other things I was committed to.

At 19 I felt a nudge from God. Suddenly I wanted to know Him.
The more I read about Jesus, the more I realized He was asking
me to believe and commit myself to Him.

From 19 on into my 40’s, I was not bugged by doubts.
I had an inflated idealistic faith.
I would tag myself as a radical optimist.
But that was more a belief in myself & my own abilities.

But then doubt began to fester & grow.
I should qualify that; I see a difference between doubt & unbelief.

Unbelief is a lack of commitment.
It means we are unattached & unconvicted.

In contrast, doubt is emotional wrestling.
It is grappling with circumstances.

Abraham in his 90’s doubted,
but God praised him as the father of faith.

John the Baptist at the end of life,
just before he went to the chopping block
of the Isis of his time,

What did John do facing this grizzly sharp end?

He doubted.

But Jesus said John is the greatest prophet of God in history.

In the psalms we see David recording his chronic doubts.
But God calls him a man after God’s heart.

We may doubt Jesus but He believes in us.

Someone has remarked that doubts are the ants in the pants of faith that get us moving.

Guide us O Lord in our stumbling

We know You hear our broken cries, even just a sigh & just a whisper,

“The water in one teardrop is enough moister to float our life into God’s heart”

Lead our lonely heart’s

Drive us in our broken needs & in our penitence to find its way to You, Our Father

Train us in meditative prayer,
Teach us to to know You God,
help us align our desires with Yours

We ask that our crutches become wings to You

Make our obstacles elevate our soaring faith into Your arms

Make our adversities & adversaries our advances & our greatest blessings